Rain Piece

Lover, You Are Lost

Whenever it begins to rain, I would like to fold myself into your arms and vanish; escaping in the memory of you. I imagine when you see the rain you remember me and suddenly feel the ache of emptiness in the places I used to be. I imagine you grappling with the idea that I am lost and now so are you. I imagine you incapable of concentrating on the mundane world that ripped you away from me, and compelled by nostalgia, you leave the lover you lost yourself in, in search of me. You scavenge in all the places I used to fill for you, in all the places I used to hide, in all the places I used to sleep. You hope to find yourself, but I am nowhere to be found and neither are you.

Whether I loved you or whether you loved me, I wish to be free. Curse yourself and do it quickly because you are running out of time. The rain is relenting and I do not wish to be found. I am hidden away, relishing in the rain just as you relished in her; letting it water me and bring me back to life the same way it brings the world back to life when winter transforms to spring. Hurry now, the clouds are fading away and the truth is almost exposed. You are a loving man, loving only of yourself. There are only two things you fear: loving me and losing me. You’ve lost me now so tell me, are you afraid?

I hope the rain drowns you and washes you away so that next time it begins to smell of rain, I will no longer have the option to fall back into the beautiful trap you’ve laid specifically for me, calling it love. The moment you will know I have escaped you is the moment the rain will cease to fall and the world will be silent for just a second before the air is filled with the harmonious chirping of the spring birds coming out of hiding, the bees lightly buzzing neither here nor there, the breeze whistling against your skin, and the clouds parting to reveal a new light and a new day.

On this day, my love for you will be absent. The memory that I carried alone of the man you used to be, will be forgotten. Our paths will no longer collide. You will no longer be able to search for yourself in me. You will be nothing more than the despicable leviathan you’ve become in this rain.